New White House Press Secretary in Over His Head

I’m hereby applying to replace Jay Carney for the office of White House Press Secretary. If hired, I plan to tell the truth about what significant actions the president is taking. I firmly believe my faith in the American people to recognize a steaming pile of barnyard misinformation and half-truths will serve the White House better than Mr. Carney’s apparent inability to do so.

For example, there is, as the rest of us know, a massive catastrophe playing out in Japan. The loss of life an human suffering exceeds the ability of the mind to comprehend. Any attempt at comprehension requires the ability to empathize with those who are suffering. Mr. Carney, however, was unable to cover up the amount of time that Barrack Obama spent on the links this weekend with his cronies in the news media, when human life is literally hanging in the balance in Japan.

Here’s the picture seen out here in the heartland:
Barrack Obama driving the little white ball vs tens of thousands of human beings lost and unaccounted for after the largest earthquake on record.

Now, if I look hard enough, I can find news that there are seven US Navy warships and a few helicopters trying heroically to help with supplying emergency rations and water. But, there is precious little information that would tell the American people whether the President gave the order or applied himself in any significant way to organize this effort or whether we are, in fact, doing all that we can do. (Clearly we are not!)

I sympathize with Mr. Carney. He doesn’t yet recognize that his job entails managing damage control for a man universally recognized as the Narcissist in Chief. He better wise up soon, or I’m coming after his job.


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